It's just something I need to pray about.
It is not scientific doubt, not atheism, not pantheism, not agnosticism,
that in our day and in theis land is likely to quench the light of the gospel.
It is a proud, sensuous, selfish, luxurious, church-going,
hollow-hearted prosperity.
-Frederic D. Huntington, 1890
that in our day and in theis land is likely to quench the light of the gospel.
It is a proud, sensuous, selfish, luxurious, church-going,
hollow-hearted prosperity.
-Frederic D. Huntington, 1890
I start this blog and I am so far from any of these things, I have that desire yet all I can seem to to is look at what I'm doing wrong, what my family is doing wrong. I'm doing it wrong.
I think it's about just letting go. This control and extreme amount of self awareness I pray to be rid of. I need to learn to let go, truly and fully.
I'm very much physically alone in this sad excuse for a journey, right now. But because I know that there are other girls, namely two I met at the conference that are doing this so well and so much better than I am it fills me with such a small word that has such a life changing meaning: hope
I'm constantly falling, every hour I trip and fall off into the bushes on this narrow path but I have hope that someday it won't be as often. And there's nothing I can do to make that happen faster except to put my helmet on and know that I'm going to fall and trip, but also know that every single time, in an almost laughable kind of utter love He will pick me up and set me on my way again. He knows I will fall face first again, in fact He knows exactly how soon it will be. But he still picks me up.
I know it sounds cheesy but writing things out like this, it helps me. I think that's when I can really hear His voice, when I just start writing insight just hits me through my fingers with no explanation. Whether I'm writing in my physical journal at night or right now, if I hadn't sat down and kept writing I would not have heard Him. For some reason when I just think these things I get nowhere. I have to see them I suppose.
Honestly I can't really explain it.
I'm really excited about church tomorrow though.
Hey Chelsea... I'm here if you need anything... encouragement, prayer, or just someone to talk to, or whatever.
ReplyDeleteWe are all on a journey and we all fall so short. Realizing this makes us realize our need for a savior. But may we never become content in our sinful state, but cling all the more to our King who is willing to give us victory.
I love you!
Letting go can be so hard... It is definitely something that I am constantly at battle with. I feel like I have given everything up to God, but then I find myself trying to grab things back again, and there is this war - me wanting to hold on, and my spirit begging me to let go.
ReplyDeleteThank you for the reminder that God understands. That He knows our pain and is willing to work through it with us. He can see everything and knows that, no matter what, His best will prevail.
May my life praise Him forever.